E malie le siva a le Manaia i malae ‘ae le se mea faigofie le Muafi

The Manaia enjoys his dance at the malae but it’s not easy to be a fire-bearer.

The saying harks back to the days of dried coconut leaves as the only fuel for lighting at night, where the dancers enjoyed their fun while the lighting providers had burns.

Last week I started the conversation that Mr Ese Tatupu, a funeral director in Auckland, called for on what he considered as excessive spending on funerals by the Pasifika people.

Many of the reasons for the lavish funerals are well known. One is that it’s just “how we’ve always done it”. Many people think it’s a way of showing respect and caring.  Sometimes it’s guilt about not being there while the departed one was still alive.

 Sometimes it’s because we think that people will judge us as “cheap” or uncaring if we don’t pull out all the stops.

But it’s easy to spend too much on funerals because many people feel so devastated and overwhelmed at the time of death that they assume they should leave all funeral planning to the funeral director.

“That’s like giving the funeral director a blank cheque,” someone said.

People also often think that how much they spend is a demonstration of how much they love someone. And spending is often used as a way to make up for perceived omissions – “I should have visited the nursing home more often.”

One may feel obligated to put on a big “show” when the deceased has been prominent during his or her lifetime.

 Many assume a funeral will cost just about the same anywhere. Or perhaps there’s only one funeral home nearby, so why bother? Surprisingly, you can save thousands of dollars if you take the time to get prices before the moment of need.

Few consumers realize that caskets may be marked up quite substantially and thus a customer who leaves everything to the funeral director does so at his own funeral?

For example, a casket that is listed for $1,295 at the funeral home might wholesale for only $325. That same casket is probably available from a casket retailer for $650.

Funeral directors are business people who deserve to be paid for what they do. However, it is our job as funeral consumers, to know what funeral choices are available, to determine the kind of funeral or memorial service that meets the needs of our family, with honour and dignity.

I believe a funeral very close to the ideal took place this week in Auckland.

RITA MELEISEA, 89, was laid to rest at the Auckland Memorial Park and Cemetary after a memorial service at the Chapel in the Park.

Pastor Talosaga Kome of the Assembly of God (AOG) branch from Porirua, Wellington, led the service and members of his church formed the choir.

It was an understated event but full of warmth and decorum.

Rita’s immediate family, her surviving children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews and other close relatives attended and some gave eulogies. They, of course, came with their contributions to the celebration of their beloved mother, grandmother, sister, aunt and cousin’s life.

Among them were the children of the late Rev. Tu’i Fatialofa, Rita’s late sister, the first Samoan women to qualify as a full church minister.

Her son, Fata Siaosi Meleisea, owner of a large farm in Hawaii, flew in with his ‘suavai lu’au’, our staple of taro leaves with coconut cream. ‘Hundreds of them,” he says.

Close cousin Fata Lolagi Visinia and others from Afega, Samoa, flew down with his contribution of fine mat and money to represent Rita’s mother’s side.

Yours truly and others of Afega were already there.

But a hightlight of the funeral was the arrival of Meleisea Dr Malama Meleisea, the current head of the Meleisea clan from Poutasi, Falealii, and a large group of relatives with their contribution of money and fine mats. Their decision to pool resources and work as one big ‘family’ group was not usual but much appreciated.

They of course represented Rita’s late husband, Meleisea Meafou, who passed away several years ago in Samoa.

So with the service over, the burial rites done, it was time for a ‘comforting meal’ at the funeral reception, at the well-known Manhattan, an establishment run by a Meleisea relative of Meleisea Meafou, Rita’s late husband, for several years but now under new management.

With the meal over it was time for the usual ‘faaaloaloga’ – gifting presentations.

There was a hitch, hence the comment above about the event being ‘close’ to the ideal: but not quite.

The officiating Pastor and his group did not attend the reception because of church policy, apparently. So the gifts were only displayed and then folded away to be presented privately.

And the great day continued with the gifting from Afega, Fagafau, Falelatai to Falealili and vice versa and finally from Rita’s children Noeline, Fata and their siblings to their mother’s family and then to their father’s family.

And thus Rita’s Day ended.

What are a few sparks to great dance?