During my last trip to New Zealand, I was chatting with my nine-year-old niece and asked about her week. Whether she was learning any exciting things at school. I was expecting the fun things but she said that week she was learning about violence and abuse. These are intense subjects, heavy with layers that are complex as some issues are so deeply seated that they threaten to tear up the very foundation of who we are. Any form of violence is not okay. In all my years of school, this was not a subject discussed in primary or even high school. I don’t even remember it being discussed at university. So, I asked more questions to find out what she knows. Here is what she learned.

'Abuse comes in all forms and there is a police officer that came to my school to talk to us about it’. We don’t know, what we don’t know. Different forms of abuse were defined and examples were provided. Is there a Police program discussing violence and abuse when they go to visit schools? Do they even visit schools regularly? I know there are ongoing awareness programs about the law and us on the radio but how many children actually listen to that?

This is a subject that can be discussed in schools and not just once. Five minutes a day to remind your class to be kind to one another. A reminder that any form of violence or bullying will not be tolerated will not take much from the curriculum. We go over our guidelines every few days at the Reading Program including being kind to one another.

‘Any kind of abuse or violence is not okay’. This was explained clearly to the year five class that any slapping, pushing, strangling, hitting, swearing, verbal threats, screaming, threatening texts or social media messages aimed to harm you is not alright. These are all forms of violence and should not be tolerated. This was good to hear as bullying starts off like this in many schools. First, there is teasing, verbal torture and then physical violence when it’s extreme.

‘Ask for help if you are being abused and talk to an adult’. Talk to your parent or trusted adult or your teacher at school if you do not feel safe in any way at any Bme. Asking for help will not get you into trouble. What can we do? As a parent, I hope this becomes part of the curriculum in all schools. There are experts who can approach the subject so the language used for children is appropriate and stating the facts won’t be the end of someone’s career.

We have enough victims of abuse and children whose lives will never be the same again because we are so afraid to talk about sex, inappropriate touching, and boundaries in the name of culture and respect. Yet, pedophiles and abusers live in our homes and are related to us. Just go to court any day of the week and the evidence is astounding. It’s not enough to sweep it under the carpet anymore and pretend that things are alright. Just because it is not happening to you or your children does not make it acceptable. 

Abuse doesn’t just happen in poor families. It happens everywhere, in fact, it’s the educated and well off that hide it better. Making decisions without understanding the situation. Understand someone’s situation first before offering help or advice. Stop telling your abused friend, yes female friend, that it’s alright to forgive her abuser boyfriend, partner or husband for the sake of the children or our Christian beliefs.

That doesn’t solve anything, it just keeps the abuser protected and hidden under the guise of fear and reputation. It makes violence and abuse normal in our families. While we enjoy another peaceful Sunday talking about the Miss Samoa winner and the Rugby World Cup, let us remember that there are some things that we can discuss openly within our families. That we must do our own part in ending violence and abuse.