"I have fallen out of love with you, I do not love you anymore". Have you heard these words as a child? As a parent? As a spouse? Spoken by a child, a parent, or a spouse? Next to, "he is dying, she has gone to be with her maker". I can’t think of any other words that are as painful. It is a betrayal to the highest level. People will often say, "I did not mean those words" later. Correction! If the words came out of your mouth, they were already in the heart. Imagine those words being spoken to you by someone you trusted and loved deeply.

I remember a conversation I had with a good friend. She wanted to leave her husband and divorce was not that far away. She said she just didn’t love him anymore and had many legitimate reasons for wanting out. He was unfaithful many times, he was physically and mentally abusive, but she stayed because of the children. Now, she was just done. 

How many times have we had this conversation with our friends and maybe with ourselves? Extramarital affairs and adultery are so normal in Samoa. Why do we even put up with it? Oh, they know they’re married, no doubt about it, yet give themselves over to their lustful choices. Even the people they have affairs with are married or in relationships. Marriage has become a game to so many, thinking they’d never get caught and that cheating is all right. One only needs to go to family court and hear cases of this. Then I ask, well if that was the case, why even pursue, propose and marry anyone if they planned to continue living their single, unattached lives thinking of no one else but their own pleasure? What’s the point?

What is it with the heart that chooses such things? Every relationship particularly marriages have seasons of disappointments and frustration. No marriage is perfect. It is easy to point fingers. It is easy to stop talking, shut down and even internalise bitterness or shame. But it is in those moments that we are supposed to hold on, even when our hearts are broken and thousands of words left unspoken, that are the very moments that we need to lean into our spouses the most. God designed marriage and we are supposed to enjoy that gift within its boundaries.

Take a healthy relationship between a loving father and his daughter. There are protection and boundaries that our fathers teach us. If we overstep those then we are in trouble. Many boundaries are set for our protection. Heed the warnings. "Don’t jump in anyone’s car, wait for me when school is done and I will pick you up from there". "Do not sit on anyone when you go by bus even if it is packed". Think of our fathers and their teachings when we were in primary school. Our mothers too. It was their daily reminders that kept us safe. If you have daughters, you understand.

This world tells us that love is a feeling that can come and go. If this is true, then love will fail us every time. It will never be enough to hold a marriage or familial ties together. This is not how God defines love. Love in the bible doesn’t keep a record of wrongs, doesn’t hold grudges. It protects us. It heals us. True love never fails. When you feel alone, think of all those who have helped you. Who love you and support you. Replace self-doubt with faith talk. Pray for guidance when you are in over your head. While we enjoy another Father’s Day, remember our godly father’s love for us. The price he paid to set us apart. We are never far from it. If your earthly father abandoned you or already passed, we still have our Godly Father who made us and truly know us. Happy Father’s Day Samoa.