What an awesome turnout for the Moana Pasefika and Queensland Reds game on Friday. Well done to both teams and organisers, officials and Samoa. Our people turned up in their team colours, cheered, danced, screamed and laughed their way through it of course. It goes to show that rugby is never dead in Samoa. Give the people a game and they’ll respond accordingly. Whether we know the teams or not, whether we have ties or not, we will still turn up. We truly know how to be present in the moment and when it’s all done, we take our winning spirit, ready to do it all over again in the next season.

Samoa is definitely in the right place to host international games such as these. Imagine if there was only one spectator, what the atmosphere would’ve been like, and how the players will respond to such a turnout. No loud music, no cheerleaders and Samoan-style banter. Cheering alone is not fun, just like when we do anything alone. We all need each other whether in sports or the family unit. We are not just spectators in our homes, we should all be cheerleaders for our children and spouses. Having that interest in what they are up to, how they are growing, and being truly present with them. Constitutive of a fulfilling and satisfied life is living in the presence of those we love. Consistently.

This is probably most obvious for young children. They simply want to be together with a small number of people, especially their family. Yes, they can get used to the absence, and so can we all. Continually missing an absent parent will wear on them, taking a toll. Short certain separations in life, of course, sometimes is necessary and we, including our children have to be able to deal with them. Although, long-term and permanent separation like a death in the family is never something even adults can easily cope with. Let alone young children.

When I look at my own family growing up, both of my parents were continually present. They still are today. If one parent was at work, one will make time to spend with us after school. My dad spent more time with us, working away outside on the farm and then spending hours after prayer time to help everyone with their homework. This allowed mother dearest to manage her businesses throughout the day and not have to worry whether her children are safe, fed and happy. It worked for them and we were well looked after.

Children need regular and meaningful interaction with both parents, even if in unequal quantities, and they need to experience such presence as the normal and dependable context of their day-to-day presence. We may even ask ourselves if we are sufficiently intentional in making presence a priority. Are we truly present in body and mind with our families when we wake up or walk through the door after work? I know everyone just wants to relax after a long day at work, put their feet up, eat, watch TV and sleep. With younger children at home, they depend on us and want a lot of our time.

My four-year-old has so much energy when I get home, she will pull out the dominoes, snakes and ladder games, monopoly, colouring activities and will invite me to join her. I enjoy these short, fleeting moments because I know they won’t last forever and I see that it doesn’t matter what we do together, as long as she can see me next to her, makes her feel secure, and heard and helps build her confidence in herself and others around her. It’s important to bring our whole selves home to our children after work, not leftovers of the day after giving our all to work and then coming home frustrated, disappointed or even angry.

We must all make a conscious decision to leave work at work, even though this is hard for some professions. No emergency is worth losing your family over. Choosing the energy we wish to bring into our home is so important. If we’ve had a bad day, choose to let go of that during your drive home. Before we walk through the door, remind ourselves that we are not at work anymore. Let go of the distractions and put them off until later and I don’t mean just leaving your phone in the basket until the kids sleep. 

When we disconnect and be fully present in the moment, we have more control over our intentions, our mood and our behaviours. While we enjoy another peaceful Sunday Samoa, make time for your loved ones, children do not remain young forever, they grow up and leave to have families of their own. The memories we make with them today will remain with them well after we are gone.