I had some interesting meetings with a few young people this week. Each a new graduate and working in their fields trying to change the world. It is an honourable goal. All of us, at some point wanted to change this world into a better place. 

Many, after years of being in the system, working away have lost that sense of urgency and even wanting to do the right thing. Life happens, young people get older, our focus fragmented in many directions and we all learn that we are not responsible for anyone else’s life but our own. I encourage you to take ownership of your decisions and never tire of doing good.

We cannot blame others for how we feel or the things that happen in our lives. It is our responsibility to control our thoughts and reaction in certain situations. The mind is the most powerful tool when it comes to doing this. Sure, not every circumstance is our fault but every decision and non-decision to those circumstances is ours to make. We can stay and actively solve the problem, walk away or don’t do anything.

When there are stressful situations, conflicts, disagreements, we must remember that responsibility equal accountability equals ownership. Accept responsibility for your actions and be accountable for your results. No one is perfect and we all make mistakes. We can either learn and improve or fall back in the same cycle of bad decisions blaming everyone else. When “Oh it wasn’t me” becomes your anthem for life, it’s time to re-examine yourself especially if you’re an adult with children.

We can start building personal ownership by looking at our blaming tendencies. Our tendency to blame others for everything that happens to us are often knee-jerk reactions. Therefore, the first step in building ownership is acknowledging the role we have played in the situation . The next time things don’t go our way, take a moment to assess our contribution by asking “What is my role in this?’ (FNS,2022)

Second, practice your power of choice. When we lack ownership and boundaries, we’ll often say ‘I didn’t have a choice’. Actually, you have a choice, every single time. Yes or No. Even if we are not actively choosing, we are still choosing by default. We can practice our power of choice by using intentional language around everyday choices. For example, if you are someone who lets others decide for you and always go with the flow. Start saying these out loud: 

1. I choose to spend time with my kid after school

2. I choose to take care of myself and health

3. I choose to eat nourishing food and not junk

4. I choose my marriage over my friends

Whatever it is that you are struggling with, this positive reinforcement of choice will help develop your internal locus on control.

Hold ourselves accountable to others. Being accountable to others can also help provide support so we don’t fall back into previous behaviour patterns, whether it’s lying, indifference, non-involvement, eating junk food, poor choices and so forth. This is why we flourish in team settings most times when it comes of health challenges. Being part of a team encourages us to keep going and reminds us that we are not alone, that there are others who are struggling just like us. That we can make better choices, that we can lose that extra weight, that we can overcome bad habits and negative beliefs.

Taking ownership of our lives is not easy. It is a huge challenge. It builds character, self-respect and grit. It allows us to proactively choose better. The quality of our choices influences the mindset, focus, actions and ultimately the ending. While we enjoy another peaceful Sunday Samoa, make better decisions and don’t ever tire of doing good. No matter the circumstances.