“Fight by the Rules”

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Think a minute…28 June, 1997 was the date of the famous “Bite Fight” between world heavyweight boxing champion Evander Holyfield and Mike Tyson.

During the fight, Tyson completely lost control of his anger and actually bit off part of Holyfield’s ear! Tyson lost his license to box and paid a $3 million penalty for not fighting by the rules.

Hopefully, husbands and wives never reach that point! But it’s important that we learn how to disagree and argue in a fair, constructive way that brings better understanding and closeness.

Our marriage should be a harmonious duet, not a duel in which we shoot hurtful, destructive words at each other.

Here are 6 helpful guidelines to follow whenever you and your spouse disagree and have conflict. The first one is timing. If either of you is too angry to talk about the problem, you should wait for a time when you both can calmly discuss the issue. Take time out—don’t take it out on each other!   

The 2nd guideline is to allow each other the right to say, “I’m angry” or “I’m hurt.” From time to time we all need to express how we’re really feeling inside. Remember, our feelings are not right or wrong, but real! So we should respect each other’s freedom and right to express them.

Number 3, know why you’re angry. Sometimes the thing that triggered your anger was only a small thing, but behind it is the real problem. And that’s the one you need to understand and talk about.

The 4th guideline is to understand that your anger is the real

enemy, not your wife or husband. So stay on the same side and fight together against the anger and problems that are hurting your marriage and family.

Number 5: Lower your voice—and you’ll raise the quality of your communication and relationship.

Last, but definitely not least, you have to invite God to the fight. You need to ask Jesus to take control of your heart; because only He has the kind of real love, wisdom and self-control you need to actually use your differences to give you a stronger, closer, more exciting and satisfying life together.

Just think a minute…

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